Instant Military Loans Sure Can Kick Some Butt

The deal with instant military loans

Like a laser beam cutting down a citizen cursing the intergalactic government in public, instant military loans bring soldiers the money they need when times get a little financially tight. And believe you me, we know that sometimes that's the way it goes. The galaxy is ruled by martial law, so we need to keep our armed forces happy. So if they have money problems, instant military loans can provide the fastest possible assistance. Makes sense, right? With military loans so easy for our servicemen and women to get, we can keep the system running and continue to oppress the public with little to no backlash.

Yes, that's the way it goes. We seized power through force and will keep our grip on it through similar means. If someone tries to front on one of our guys, they have the green light to end that person's life in an instant. Military loans are similar in their quick-strike nature. After all, it is with instant military loans that people in our government amass such wealth. Do they care about repaying the loan once they have borrowed it? Do they object to the fact that taking out instant military loans in mass quantities without ever giving the money back constitutes fraud? Do they mind that their entire government is unconstitutional and corrupt?

Of course not. Say one word about it, and you know what's coming to your left temple.

Instant military loans are coming to a solar system near you

If your galaxy does not yet accept military or personal loans, just sit tight. Calm down. Send us a message via the Contact Us form below and we will petition the Interplanetary Financial Commission to include your galaxy or system in its database of approved destinations. They control the flow of instant military loans, but rest assured, the three dudes on your left control the IPFC. In their back pocket. You have nothing to worry about, as within 2-3 weeks from this date, you will be eligible to receive the assistance you need. Actually that kind of sucks for you, since applying for instant military loans implies that you need them soon. Like now.

Looks like you're SOL bud. Sorry.

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